Lessons from the Confidence Boss: Lesson 3- Ask for EXACTLY What you Want!

Lesson 3: Ask for Exactly What You Want

“The answer is always no, unless you ask”

One of the things I adore about my husband is that he was an amazing courter. From our first encounter, he really made it very easy to fall in love.

We had a friend over for dinner the other night, and as I told her our story, I could feel my love for him actually growing. I felt so proud of how he handled every element of our dating and engagement relationship. He paid attention to every detail, he took care of me, he was loving and supportive. How did I get so lucky?

1. Christi Divine, who introduced us— thank you for the millionth time.

2. My husband knows how to ask for exactly what he wants.

In this day and age, people seem to date around a lot. You may be thinking you’re exclusive with someone then BAM! One day, you get a call from their girlfriend (OR WORSE!). When I met my husband, I had been on a lot of dating sites, and I wanted to meet someone, but hadn’t really connected with anyone who wanted the same things I did.

When I met Mo, he was very clear: he wanted to date me and me only, and if I wanted to date him, then I could only date him. He had this conversation with me within a few days of meeting. While I didn’t know if I wanted to be exclusive with him yet, I loved that he was so decisive and was willing to go all-in with me, so I agreed.

Since we are married now, I’ll let you guess how things went from there, but here’s the deal with asking for exactly what you want— I see him do this all the time: in business, in relationships, everywhere. What I admire about it is that I have borrowed it for my own life and have been able to get exactly what I want as well: life coach school, goal weight, new career, opportunities to expand my relationships.

The answer is always no, unless you ask. What do you want exactly? Write it down! I wrote down a million times that I wanted to marry a warm, caring loving man who has a great relationship with his mother. Guess what I got? A warm, caring, loving man with a great relationship with his mother. Ask and you will receive!

Lessons from the Confidence Boss: Lesson 2- If you’ve got it- flaunt it!

Lesson 2: If you got it, flaunt it

My husband has absolutely body confidence and I LOVE IT! This past weekend, we were getting ready to go on a hike, and he encouraged me to show a little skin. The sun was shining, it was a gorgeous day, and I was fully prepared to wear leggings, a tank top and a long sleeved sweater. 

“Why don’t you put on some shorts?” He asked.

I looked at the weather app on my iPhone and thought “sure, why not?”

As I began changing, he then asked, “Why are you wearing that shirt? Why don’t you just wear your sports bra?”

Ummmmmmm…. Because only super fit people wear tiny shorts and sports bras on hikes, and I don’t consider myself super fit. I said it first to myself in my head and then blurted it out.

“So…” he asks, “why did you do all this work on yourself? To hide? If you’ve got it, flaunt it, and baby, you’ve got it!”

(Insert blushing red cheeks here).

Challenge accepted!

We drove out to our hiking point, I got out of the car with my sweater partly open, and once we got to a huffing and puffing pace up the hill, I pulled off the sweater, and continued my hike to the top of the hill.

At first I was embarrassed and felt like people were looking at me, and then I realized I loved how the sunshine felt on my bare skin, and just leaned into it. 

I realized everyone else on the hike had bodies— some ladies wore sports bras, some wore t-shirts, some men wore no shirts. I didn’t care what they did, so I imagined they probably didn’t care what I did either.

As we concluded the hike and drove home I was thinking about how embarrassed I felt heading out, and how relieved I felt going home. Not relieved because we were done, but relieved that I actually didn’t care anymore.

It was such a great lesson for me because I realized that me having confidence about my body was more about what I was thinking about hiking in a sports bra. It didn’t matter what everyone else thought. And that’s so true for any time we put ourselves out there- what matters is what WE think about it— other people will keep on with their day.

So, what is something you could do today to push your confidence forward? How can you challenge yourself to think differently about a situation, and try something new?

Lessons from the Confidence Boss

Hola everyone and happy April! I am so excited to be launching this 3-article series called Lessons from the Confidence Boss because I know you want to build more confidence, and I want to show you how.

I have to start off by saying that these Confidence Boss Lessons are tools I learned from observing the most confident person I know. Someone I admire and respect who nails it every time: “the huz”, @themoman, my amazing husband, Mo Pardue.

You see, Mo’s birthday is about 10 days away, and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have this amazing man in my life— he does so many things exceptionally well, and my life’s journey has been truly enhanced by our relationship in so many positive ways that I wanted an opportunity to gush on him in public and teach you some things that are pretty freaking relevant to all of us.

Whether you are on a weight loss journey, or are trying to make any change in life— having more confidence is such a value add. I know you are going to get so much from these lessons, so let’s kick off the first one now!

Lesson 1: Dress Like You’re the Boss

In my coaching, I teach the Model, which is our thoughts create out feelings. Let’s say you wake up on a Tuesday, put on some stretchy pants and a baggy sweater and head out to the office. What are you thinking? 

I want to be comfortable? 

I’d like to go unnoticed? 

I feel fat? 

How do you think all of those thoughts will make you feel? 

Like you can take on the world? Not likely!

What if, instead you dressed like THE BOSS. I don’t mean you dress like your boss, nor do I suggest that you dress like Bruce Springsteen, but dress like you are the boss of your life. What would that be like?

I see my husband pull this off exceptionally well, and what he has taught me about dressing like the boss is this:

  1. Spend money on clothes that make you feel good and look great on you. If this is a new concept to you, take deep breaths and brace yourself for what I am going to say next. If you are only buying your entire wardrobe at Target, let me introduce you to the magic of shopping at Nordstrom. Nordstrom is the best place to shop for boss wear because their return policy is ridiculously amazing, their service is fantastic, and they have people who will shop for you. Hello personal shopping service! While a few items from Target here and there are fine, if you can’t remember the last thing you bought NOT from Target, then time for a change.
  2. Invest in tailoring so your clothes fit you. I bought a suit earlier this year, and as usual the legs and arms were long. I have a broad chest and small waist, so suits that fit my shoulders are too large at my mid-section. But, I took advice from The Mo Man, bought the suit, and marched my hiny across the street to the tailors. Two weeks later, the suit fit like a glove. It was absolute perfection. I had to breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes when I found out how much it cost, but every time I wear it, I feel like I own the day!
  3. Get rid of old clothes. This is actually an area where I will give myself a little pat on the back. I am a minimalist at heart, so if something does not fit, is torn, ripped, has a hole, or just sitting in my closet collecting dust, it doesn’t matter how much I paid for it— sayonara! Having a closet full of clothes that don’t actually work for you is frustrating, so make haste and clean that closet out. If you need serious help, contact my fellow coach, Shira Gill, who does amazing closet makeovers,

So here’s your action plan for today. Want more confidence? Clean out the closet! Evaluate your current wardrobe, and book an appointment with a stylist at Nordstrom. Confidence complete!

How to Take Action Even When You Don’t Feel Like It!

Let’s say you have an intention of eating healthy meals. You go to the store, you get all the food, you even prep your meals, but by the time lunch rolls around you are not wanting to eat chicken and broccoli (or your lunch of choice). However, you DO want to eat nachos.

You feel deprived. You feel bummed out. You want nachos!!!!

All feelings come from thoughts and sometimes making a shift from thinking “I feel deprived because I want nachos” to “I’m committed to my meal plan no matter what” doesn’t cut the mustard. Sometimes, I just want to eat some freaking nachos, or a milkshake and cookies, or whatever.

What if you thought of that feeling of deprivation or that feeling of being bummed like a heavy rock you had to carry with you in your handbag all day. It’s inconvenient, your bag is heavy, but you can still get through your day, right?

The same principle can apply for when we don’t feel like doing what we should do. Our brain likes to quit if that’s what we’ve done before, but what if we just brought the sucky feeling along for the ride? What if you just carried around that heavy rock?

Don’t get me wrong- you can totally use the model to change your thought here, too, but you don’t have to thought-swap your way out of every problem.
Think about it- what’s the worse that will happen? You eat a healthy lunch? You sit with a feeling of depravation for a few minutes? Guess what happens if you eat the nachos?

You feel deprived in the long run! You deprive yourself of your goal! You deprive yourself of skinny jeans or bikinis on the beach or whatever your goal may be!
I know this may at first be uncomfortable the first or tenth time you try it, but I promise you that being willing to feel discomfort is key to getting to your goal!

Have a great day, friends!❤️

How to Get UNSTUCK

Sometimes when I tell my clients their thoughts are creating their results I can practically feel the eyeroll- even through text messages. But, it’s true. I think the best way to explain how this works is to teach you how to get un-stuck.

Step 1: As soon as you wake up in the morning write down exactly what is in your head. Do not filter, do not try to write down nice things, just go full-on primal, brain dump.

Step 2: Notice what thoughts come up that are: negative and circle them so you can see the tape that’s playing in your head.

Step 3: Notice the negative thoughts that come up all the time. What are the thoughts that you carry with you through the day– thoughts you always tell yourself.

Step 4: Ask yourself “Is this useful?” Is filling your brain with negativity all day every day serving you? If it was, I don’t think you’d be reading this article.

Step 5: Stop Focusing on It! I know, sounds easy right? But what if instead of telling yourself “I’ll never get this right” 500 times, you focused on something else: like telling yourself “I’m committed to figuring this out.” You don’t have to go from a negative thought to super positive thoughts. Just stop the negative thought in it’s tracks. As you get accustomed to stopping yourself and thinking a new thought over time you can work on going from “I’m figuring this out” to “I’m becoming a person who completes my goals (or whatever you are endeavoring to do).

So often we get into habits of negative thinking, and think it just happens to us, when in reality, we are the ones creating it. Next time you hear that voice going off that’s telling you “I’ll never get this right” use that as a cue to tell yourself a new thought. Guess what will happen? Your thoughts will change, and you will change, too.

I promise if you make this change you WILL see results.

The Easiest Way to Get to Your Goal

If you Wikipedia “Principle of Least Effort” you will read that it is a theory that “postulates that animals, people, even well-designed machines will naturally choose the path of least resistance or effort.”

Let me tell you why I think this principle is your number one tool when it comes to getting to your goals.

We all think that in order to achieve anything big, we have to do big things that are very different from what we are doing today.

While it may be accurate that change is warranted to get results—I believe small changes, not total life overhauls are what produce results. Let me tell you why.

To develop the habit of working out, all you need to do is walk 5 minutes a day. If you only need to walk 5 minutes, the barrier to entry is pretty low. All that’s required is that you put on some comfortable shoes and get moving. Maybe if you feel good one day, you walk 6 minutes, then 7, then so on.

However, when we watch shows like The Biggest Loser, we are taught that extreme 6 hour-long workouts per day get results. We go on Instagram and see people doing the HCG Diet are getting results, and then get on the bandwagon, thinking that our weight loss is limited because we need more HCG in our life.

That’s bananas!

What we need more of is healthy habits we can maintain long-term, and this is why I teach my clients the Principle of Least Effort. My goal is to help them build healthy habits over a period of 12 weeks to help them get the long-term sustainable results they want, so that way they can actually enjoy the process of getting to their goal.

If you think you have to go all out to make progress on your goals, let me ask you this. What would happen if you just changed one thing, and stuck to that change? Then, when it was a habit, you make another change. This is exactly what I’ve done to get to every goal, and this is the method I use with my clients to get results.

It may seem simple, but it works like magic.

3 Lessons I Learned From Taking Massive Action

Those of you who’ve followed my journey the past month know that I just achieved a
big goal: I hit my goal weight! I did this by showing up every day until I got
the exact result I was looking for. I set my sights on 123.4 from Day 1, and on
Day 30 I weighed in at exactly that number. Since many people reached out to me
along the way in my journey to find out what I was doing, I thought it would be
valuable to share exactly what I did that made this totally effective.

1.       Set a VERY SPECIFIC GOAL.

Creating a specific goal is important because it forces our minds to focus exactly on
what we want, and what we must do to solve the problem. A generic goal like “I
want to lose weight” is a good place to start, but knowing you want to lose exactly
6.4 or 64 pounds is great because then you have to start thinking of a strategy
to get there.

2.       Dismiss Conflicting Thoughts

This may sound quite simple, but think about it… How many times have you set a big goal for yourself only to give up on it two days later? You create a New Year’s resolution to not eat cake, and then a week later, it’s someone’s birthday so you throw in the towel. What happened? You had a thought in conflict with your goal. Maybe it was something like:

“Just this once”

“I don’t want to miss out”

“They’ll think I’m weird if I don’t eat cake” And that thought led to feeling uncomfortable (deprived, insecure). And to avoid that feeling, you ate the cake. Then after eating the cake you felt like you failed, so you quit. Slippery slope. You may have thought it was just a simple action, but it started with a thought.

Through the month of March– every time I had a thought about eating when I wasn’t hungry or eating to overcome an emotional situation, I paused. I knew that it wouldn’t serve me, and I decided to create a new thought.

3.        Follow the plan that supports your intention.

A lot of times we think weight loss is this elusive mystery that we need to figure out. The truth is most people know HOW to lose weight, they simply choose not to take weight loss producing actions because of their thinking. They see an ad for someone dropping 10 pounds in a week on a keto diet, and then suddenly start questioning their own knowledge.

With weight loss in particular, we get into the habit of wanting results quickly, and if the result takes time, we get frustrated and quit– I knew that was something I’d done in the past. Instead, this time, I just wondered- what if I took everything I knew about weight loss, applied it, and was patient– what would happen then? And in 30 days, I had my result.

If you have other questions about my journey or starting your own journey- please comment below or reach out to me—I’d love to connect with you!

Have a great day!