If You Struggle With Self Love

I’m obsessed with Big Little Lies.

At first I wasn’t because the story between Celeste and Perry was difficult for me to watch.

If you’re not a fan, let me fill you in and explain how this is relevant to coaching.

Perry beat the shit out of Celeste- then they’d beat each other up, and then have wild, crazy sex.

Spoiler alert- at the end of season 1 Perry dies, and in Season 2, Celeste is recounting the past to her therapist.

She remembers the good times, the love.

She misses him.

Her therapist offers that she needs to move on and essentially tells her that she is glorifying a terrible relationship.

Here’s where it gets interesting. The therapists asks Celeste to remember a specific event where she was getting abused.

She recalled an event where Perry punched her in the stomach repeatedly.

Now the therapist asked her to imagine her friend Madeline in her position. Celeste imagines Madeline getting punched. With her eyes closed a look of horror crosses her face.

“NOOOO!!!!…. NOOOOOO!!!!…NOOOOO!!!!” She cries out, banging her fists on the table in front of her.

The idea of her own abuse was forgettable, emotionless, but the idea of a friend in the same situation brought fury.

Now let me ask you… What’s your Perry?

What is the thing you allow for yourself, but wouldn’t allow for a friend?

Is it how you talk to yourself?

Is it how you treat yourself?

What if a friend came to you with your situation? How would you respond?

For so many, it’s easy to offer compassion and empathy to a friend, but when it comes to ourselves we are hard, cold, stringent, unforgiving.

What if this was your wake up call? Your time for change?

If you’ve been beating yourself up, speaking unkind words, engaging in any kind of self deprecation or harm– isn’t it time for a change; time for compassion?

Think of yourself as your best friend, your child.

Respond to yourself as you would to them. Respond with love.

If what I’ve said resonates with you, and you are interested in taking this work to a deeper level, but not sure where to get started, click here to schedule a solution session with me.

You Have to Kill the Person You Were Born to be to Become the Person You Want to Be

I love musicals!

Last night, the huz and I went out to see Rocketman, and the whole time I was watching it, all I could think about was coaching.

I won’t spoil it for you, but I have to mention one key part.

One of the bandmates from Elton’s early years told him, “You have to kill the person you were born to be to become the person you want to be.”

Pause on this one because it freaking matters.

You have to kill the person you were born

to be to become the person you want to be.


At my core– this moves me.

I wasn’t born to be a life coach.

I wasn’t born to have a college education, or to be an author.

Who were you born to be?

What is you belief about yourself because of how you were born?

Do you have a glimmer of hope that there is more for you? That you just want more from yourself? From your life?

If so, you are going to have to full on murder all of the beliefs you have that are keeping you stuck.

You are going to have to reject the automatic thoughts that keep coming up over and over again. If you need help figuring out how to do this, check out my post: How to Get Unstuck.

Then you will have to start working on new thoughts to believe– thoughts that the you who already has what she wants will think.

You might be thinking, you don’t know what my future self would think, but don’t shut yourself down so quickly. Pause for a minute.

Imagine your future self. Really get a vision for her.

Spend time imagining who she is, what she does, how she moves, dresses, acts, feels, speaks.

Then start thinking about how SHE would speak to herself. Think of the person you want to become, and whenever the old thoughts come up- kill them.

Game over!

And now game on!

If you need help taking this work to the next level, click here to schedule a solution session with me.

Mastering Self Care

Let me guess- you’re getting the image of a spa, a massage, a bath. You’re thinking I’m going to tell you to go read a good book or take a nap, or do something tranquil, lavender-scented, and in a robe.

While I love all of those things I want to talk about mastering self care on a higher level today.

I will start with a personal story. I once had a job that was so stressful I lost my period. I know I have now officially lost all men. Ha ha! But it’s true! It was the only job I’ve ever had for less than 6 months and it was a dumpster fire from day 1.

I mention this because as a woman, there are times in life when I know sh*t is off– if I can’t sleep, I can’t eat (or I’m suddenly eating or drinking my face off excessively), and I don’t have a period, then those are signs to me that I need to step back, take a deep breath, and consider the grander context.

I coached myself, I had others coach me, but even when I did a good job getting the circumstances totally neutral– the cumulative circumstances were not healthy for me, and I decided to leave.

While self care and massages and books and naps and baths are all amazing things. Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at the larger picture of self care or how we are caring for ourselves.

Are you living in a constant state of panic?

Do you find that you have anxiety about your job?

Are you always worried about money?

Is your spending out of control and you’re living paycheck to paycheck? Or you’re living off borrowed cash?

Do you try to lose weight, but then keep overeating and beating yourself up for it?

Or do you overeat and then stress your body out by trying to “work it off” at the gym?

Are you allowing relationships in your life that are abusive?

Are you drinking every day to drown away your problems?

Some of these things may seem deep, extreme or shocking, but there are people who are living these realities, and then looking to have a massage to band-aid the problem.

In my coaching, I talk a lot about how your thoughts create your results. That’s true because how you are thinking about a situation will prove itself true.

However, there are times when it’s good to look at circumstances– the facts of the situation. How do you think about those facts?

Do you like your reason?

Is it caring? Is it loving?

If it’s caring and loving, then massage-on, my friends. But if it’s not, then it may be time to dig a little deeper. True self care, mastering self care means caring for all of the parts of our life.

You deserve true self care.

How To Build Trust With Yourself

Learning to trust yourself, honor your word, and do things you say you will do is the best gift you can give yourself and others.

It sounds great, right?

Wouldn’t we all LOVE if we stuck to our guns, and as soon as we had an idea to make a change, and made consistent progress until we got to our goal?

But it doesn’t always work out that way because we are human beings, and in order to learn new habits and behaviors, we have to train ourselves to actually DO things differently and BE the person who does the thing we want.

When I wanted to be a woman who had lost 80 pounds, I had to act like a woman who lost 80 pounds, which meant that I had to keep showing up every day even when… even the day after I ate my face off.

If you have quit 10 x, 100 x, 1000 x, you have created a lot of evidence for yourself that you CAN’T do x. But let me tell you something– it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve tried and failed. All that matters is that you keep trying.

Here’s the thing– whenever we look at goals, they can seem impossible because they are so huge! They can be so BIG and MASSIVE we tell ourselves we don’t know where to start.

What if you took a step back, and instead looked at the one thing you needed to change today to get to that goal?

What if instead of looking at your journey as one large goal, you looked at it as several small goals or habits that are manageable? What if you just started with 1 thing? How would that be different for you?

Here’s what you do– start with one goal:

Lose 1 pound

Walk 1 minute

Make 1 dollar

Smoke 1 less cigarette a day

Have 1 less cocktail

Apply to 1 job.

It doesn’t have to be a huge effort, it just has to be SOMETHING. Decide what you will do, and commit to it even when… you don’t feel like it, your kids are sick, your boss yells at you, it’s raining, etc.

It all starts with commitment– even when the commitment is small . When we commit we decide that we are going to go all in. We decide we will stick with it, even when…

You can start today by setting an intention and following it through. Start small, but just get started, then move onto the bigger things. You will not be perfect. That doesn’t matter. Just keep going!❤️

What to Think When You Don’t Believe a Thought

Let’s talk about intentional thoughts. Every day I pick an intentional thought to guide me. This is amazing for two reasons:

1. It sounds great to say intentional thoughts, doesn’t it? And

2. I believe it.

While it’s nice to think good thoughts the key is believing them. I can tell myself good things all day, but if I don’t believe it then it’s hard for me to buy in and fully take the actions required to get to my goal

So what do you do if you do t believe a great thought?

You back up the thought to something you would believe. You may not believe “in everything I do I choose love”, but you may believe

“I am capable of love” or

“I am practicing being loving” or

“It’s possible love is an option for me.”

You will know you’ve got the right thought when you FEEL it! Can you feel it? If not, keep revising the thought until it’s an energy, a vibration and stirs something within you.

Once you find a thought you can believe, then move onto a stronger thought.

Like anything this is a practice, but I can assure you the more you practice talking to yourself and less time you spend listening to random thoughts in your head, the closer you will get to what you truly want.