Lessons from the Confidence Boss: Lesson 3- Ask for EXACTLY What you Want!

Lesson 3: Ask for Exactly What You Want

“The answer is always no, unless you ask”

One of the things I adore about my husband is that he was an amazing courter. From our first encounter, he really made it very easy to fall in love.

We had a friend over for dinner the other night, and as I told her our story, I could feel my love for him actually growing. I felt so proud of how he handled every element of our dating and engagement relationship. He paid attention to every detail, he took care of me, he was loving and supportive. How did I get so lucky?

1. Christi Divine, who introduced us— thank you for the millionth time.

2. My husband knows how to ask for exactly what he wants.

In this day and age, people seem to date around a lot. You may be thinking you’re exclusive with someone then BAM! One day, you get a call from their girlfriend (OR WORSE!). When I met my husband, I had been on a lot of dating sites, and I wanted to meet someone, but hadn’t really connected with anyone who wanted the same things I did.

When I met Mo, he was very clear: he wanted to date me and me only, and if I wanted to date him, then I could only date him. He had this conversation with me within a few days of meeting. While I didn’t know if I wanted to be exclusive with him yet, I loved that he was so decisive and was willing to go all-in with me, so I agreed.

Since we are married now, I’ll let you guess how things went from there, but here’s the deal with asking for exactly what you want— I see him do this all the time: in business, in relationships, everywhere. What I admire about it is that I have borrowed it for my own life and have been able to get exactly what I want as well: life coach school, goal weight, new career, opportunities to expand my relationships.

The answer is always no, unless you ask. What do you want exactly? Write it down! I wrote down a million times that I wanted to marry a warm, caring loving man who has a great relationship with his mother. Guess what I got? A warm, caring, loving man with a great relationship with his mother. Ask and you will receive!

Lessons from the Confidence Boss: Lesson 2- If you’ve got it- flaunt it!

Lesson 2: If you got it, flaunt it

My husband has absolutely body confidence and I LOVE IT! This past weekend, we were getting ready to go on a hike, and he encouraged me to show a little skin. The sun was shining, it was a gorgeous day, and I was fully prepared to wear leggings, a tank top and a long sleeved sweater. 

“Why don’t you put on some shorts?” He asked.

I looked at the weather app on my iPhone and thought “sure, why not?”

As I began changing, he then asked, “Why are you wearing that shirt? Why don’t you just wear your sports bra?”

Ummmmmmm…. Because only super fit people wear tiny shorts and sports bras on hikes, and I don’t consider myself super fit. I said it first to myself in my head and then blurted it out.

“So…” he asks, “why did you do all this work on yourself? To hide? If you’ve got it, flaunt it, and baby, you’ve got it!”

(Insert blushing red cheeks here).

Challenge accepted!

We drove out to our hiking point, I got out of the car with my sweater partly open, and once we got to a huffing and puffing pace up the hill, I pulled off the sweater, and continued my hike to the top of the hill.

At first I was embarrassed and felt like people were looking at me, and then I realized I loved how the sunshine felt on my bare skin, and just leaned into it. 

I realized everyone else on the hike had bodies— some ladies wore sports bras, some wore t-shirts, some men wore no shirts. I didn’t care what they did, so I imagined they probably didn’t care what I did either.

As we concluded the hike and drove home I was thinking about how embarrassed I felt heading out, and how relieved I felt going home. Not relieved because we were done, but relieved that I actually didn’t care anymore.

It was such a great lesson for me because I realized that me having confidence about my body was more about what I was thinking about hiking in a sports bra. It didn’t matter what everyone else thought. And that’s so true for any time we put ourselves out there- what matters is what WE think about it— other people will keep on with their day.

So, what is something you could do today to push your confidence forward? How can you challenge yourself to think differently about a situation, and try something new?

Lessons from the Confidence Boss

Hola everyone and happy April! I am so excited to be launching this 3-article series called Lessons from the Confidence Boss because I know you want to build more confidence, and I want to show you how.

I have to start off by saying that these Confidence Boss Lessons are tools I learned from observing the most confident person I know. Someone I admire and respect who nails it every time: “the huz”, @themoman, my amazing husband, Mo Pardue.

You see, Mo’s birthday is about 10 days away, and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have this amazing man in my life— he does so many things exceptionally well, and my life’s journey has been truly enhanced by our relationship in so many positive ways that I wanted an opportunity to gush on him in public and teach you some things that are pretty freaking relevant to all of us.

Whether you are on a weight loss journey, or are trying to make any change in life— having more confidence is such a value add. I know you are going to get so much from these lessons, so let’s kick off the first one now!

Lesson 1: Dress Like You’re the Boss

In my coaching, I teach the Model, which is our thoughts create out feelings. Let’s say you wake up on a Tuesday, put on some stretchy pants and a baggy sweater and head out to the office. What are you thinking? 

I want to be comfortable? 

I’d like to go unnoticed? 

I feel fat? 

How do you think all of those thoughts will make you feel? 

Like you can take on the world? Not likely!

What if, instead you dressed like THE BOSS. I don’t mean you dress like your boss, nor do I suggest that you dress like Bruce Springsteen, but dress like you are the boss of your life. What would that be like?

I see my husband pull this off exceptionally well, and what he has taught me about dressing like the boss is this:

  1. Spend money on clothes that make you feel good and look great on you. If this is a new concept to you, take deep breaths and brace yourself for what I am going to say next. If you are only buying your entire wardrobe at Target, let me introduce you to the magic of shopping at Nordstrom. Nordstrom is the best place to shop for boss wear because their return policy is ridiculously amazing, their service is fantastic, and they have people who will shop for you. Hello personal shopping service! While a few items from Target here and there are fine, if you can’t remember the last thing you bought NOT from Target, then time for a change.
  2. Invest in tailoring so your clothes fit you. I bought a suit earlier this year, and as usual the legs and arms were long. I have a broad chest and small waist, so suits that fit my shoulders are too large at my mid-section. But, I took advice from The Mo Man, bought the suit, and marched my hiny across the street to the tailors. Two weeks later, the suit fit like a glove. It was absolute perfection. I had to breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes when I found out how much it cost, but every time I wear it, I feel like I own the day!
  3. Get rid of old clothes. This is actually an area where I will give myself a little pat on the back. I am a minimalist at heart, so if something does not fit, is torn, ripped, has a hole, or just sitting in my closet collecting dust, it doesn’t matter how much I paid for it— sayonara! Having a closet full of clothes that don’t actually work for you is frustrating, so make haste and clean that closet out. If you need serious help, contact my fellow coach, Shira Gill, who does amazing closet makeovers,

So here’s your action plan for today. Want more confidence? Clean out the closet! Evaluate your current wardrobe, and book an appointment with a stylist at Nordstrom. Confidence complete!