The other day, my friend Madison asked people on Facebook about how people are coping with anxiety and depression in these insane times.
I posted a somewhat brief response, and read through the 46 comments to see if there were any common threads.
Faith, mental health support, finding activities, limiting news, baking, drinking, and connecting with others were all popular answers.
People also acknowledged they are still working through it, still struggling, still needing support.
I was really moved by the encouraging words people had for one another, so I asked Madison if she wouldn’t mind if I wrote about it, and she agreed– thank you 😉 .
This post really got me thinking because sometimes when life happens, especially in the way it has recently, it can feel seemingly impossible to pull yourself out of the pit.
Before I dig into that, I think it’s important to acknowledge this:
Life is 50% positive emotions and 50% negative emotions.
I know this because it is reality. And as Byron Katie says, “when we argue with reality we lose, but only 100% of the time.”
People think that because I’m a life coach that I go around telling people to be happy all the time. And while there certainly is enormous value in being positive, it is misaligned for times when real hard life happens.
Think about it for a second– do you WANT to be happy when someone dies or your child gets injured? No! You want to choose, in that moment, to have a feeling like sadness or fear.
This is clearly a time when emotions are running high, and people are growing weary of quarantining, face mask wearing, social isolation, and all the things, so I won’t tell you to be happy, instead I will tell you this…
- Allow the ugly feelings to surface.
- Feel sad.
- Feel bummed.
- Feel lonely.
- Feel whatever is coming up for you.
It’s ok. It’s totally normal.
When we allow feelings to emerge we can process them. Many people have a fear that if they sit in boredom or sadness that they will implode. You won’t. Or that they will be uncomfortable. You will. But being uncomfortable is okay. Nothing is wrong with being uncomfortable.
Let me say this again… nothing is wrong with being uncomfortable.
I reiterate this because discomfort was a feeling I used to deeply battle, and whenever I felt any uncomfortable feelings (loneliness, frustration, sadness) I would binge eat.
I got so good at coping with discomfort by binge eating, that as soon as an uncomfortable feeling emerged, I would automatically get a gnawing sensation within me that felt incessant– like I had to do something immediately– I had to silence it! And to bury the feeling, I would stuff it down with food until I literally felt sick.
Learning to allow uncomfortable feelings to surface without trying to bury them was the key for me in breaking my binge eating habit, and creating transformation in my own life, which is why I now help other women overcome their weight struggles in this area as well.
2. Focus on what you can control
Many people want to argue about what is happening right now as a right/wrong/should/shouldn’t situation. We want to blame someone or something right now, but all of “the things” happening right now are out of control for the large percentage of the population.
Instead of fuming about what you can’t control, focus 100% on what you CAN control. Our perspective is everything right now. You can be the victim, or you can be the victor– you get to chooose.
3. Manage Your Autoplay
If you’ve been telling yourself terrible thoughts over the last several months like:
- This is the worst time of my life!
- Things will never get better!
- 2020 can suck it!
- I can’t do anything right now!
Notice how you have been feeling.
Our thoughts create our reality, so (as I mentioned before), I’m not going to tell you to be happy, but notice that when the autoplay comes up, and your thoughts start looping on a negative track, that you have to intentionally shift your focus elsewhere if you want a different result.
Our brains like to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and be efficient, and if the story you’ve been telling yourself since March is that this is the worst year ever then you will take subconscious action to ensuring it is the worst year ever for you.
Instead, you can take this opportunity to notice when your brain offers you thoughts like “this is the worst year ever” to hit pause on the autoplay, and start a new track that sounds something like:
- I’m going to take this opportunity to call an old friend I haven’t spoken to in a long time.
- This is a good time for me to start on that great business idea I’ve had.
- Since I don’t have to commute to work anymore, I can start going for a walk and cook healthy food.
See what I mean?
We all get to choose how we are being in this time.
We all get to create the results we want.
So let me ask you this?
What is the reality you want to create now?
Whatever you want– it’s waiting for you.
You just have to consciously choose it– on purpose.
If you’re curious about going deeper with this work, set up a free 30 minute solution session with me, by clicking here.